Lifetime Love vs Marriage

"women rather be in a marriage that doesn't last than a loving relationship that lasts a lifetime" ~ @ByneeFattah

God has an uncanny way of speaking to me, and doing it the way that He knows I'm going to receive in and understand it. I have been in my feelings this morning thinking about relationships and marriage, and when I logged onto twitter that was the topic of discussion. I've been sitting here at my desk for a little over an hour reading questions geared to both men and women regarding marriage, and their thoughts and beliefs along with their replies. Then I came across the reply above, and it made me stop and think about what I really wanted vs what I was allowing society to make me think that I wanted. I'm not a traditionalist in any since of the word. I don't want a traditional marriage. I don't want a traditional wedding. My relationships are often not traditional relationships. I don't believe in traditional gender roles. So it is often hard for me to fit into society's "traditional" wants out of relationships.

I have a friend who I have dated briefly in the past. We've never had sex, but we have a good chemistry. We've "talked" on and off since 2009, and I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him. I feel that he would make a good husband and father, and that he would provide for his family. In addition to that he accepts me for who I am, he doesn't judge me, and he would allow me to continue to be myself in a relationship. However, I don't have any emotional connection to him. I care about him as a person and as my friend but that's about it. On the flip side I have someone who I love dearly. Someone who I feel is my soul mate, my other half. He is more than I could have ever hoped for in a person. We have a connection on all levels, and it is amazing. But, our relationship may never be more that what it is now.

Me being the non-traditional person that I am, I opened up to the idea of having the best of both worlds, to being in an open relationship/marriage where I could have my husband and the person that I love and who I am so connected to as well. For the past few years I've been intrigued by the idea of an open relationship. Not because I want to share (cuz I'm quite possessive once I get attached), but because I feel that it would allow everyone involved to make sure that ALL of their needs are met and that they aren't settling for the one person who comes close to meeting them but is still missing something. I had began discussing my thoughts as well as my fears with my Boo this morning after he asked about my friend. I explained to him the nature of our friendship, our past, and what could possibly become of things. In the past I have also discussed the idea of being in an open marriage with my friend. So, he knows my stance on it, and he seemed ok with it then. I was ok with the idea of moving forward and putting some things into motion when I got into work and started reading twitter.

So now, I have this tweet, this one thought by some random guy I don't even follow on twitter. Then I have all of my questions and thoughts that come along with it. Do I really want to be in a marriage that doesn't last for the sake of being married? NO! Why do I even want to be married? More than anything I need the support. I need someone to go through life with. I need another parent for the kid that I have and the potential kid that I may want in the near future. Does my current relationship provide for these needs/wants? Some of them but not all. Does what my current relationship provide outweigh my desire for marriage? Honestly, I don't know. I do know that I would not sacrifice my current relationship to be married to someone else. If I couldn't be in an open marriage where I could continue to maintain my current relationship then I would just keep things the way that they are. I do want my current relationship to last for a lifetime. Its not about a title, a ceremony, or a ring. Its about the love and the support that is provided. Its is about the care that is given and the connection that we have. Anything else would just be an addition to that because there's no one who is going to be able to replace it.

God has caused me to stop and think, critically, about what it is I really desire. I'm happy to say that I'm not one of the women who wants a marriage for the sake of being married, and that I'd take a loving relationship that lasts a lifetime over a ring and a title any day. I also know that I need to take my time and think some more about being in an open marriage/relationship. Although it's something that have been discussed with both parties, I need to make sure it's what's for me.