Expressing Feelings

When I look at what's going on in the world today...all of the mass killings, random shootings (not by police), and suicides that are going on, it puzzles me. When I look at the increased divorce rates and failed relationships, street harassment, and how we as human beings treat each other as a whole I am saddened. But, all of this can me attributed to one common cause, the inability to express our feelings in a healthy constructive manner. Most of us probably aren't even in touch with our feelings, let alone know how to properly express them.

Looking back at my childhood and upbringing, my mother was a cold person. She rarely expressed any emotion other than anger and frustration, and I wasn't allowed to express any emotion at all. If I cried I was always asked "What are you crying for?" in the sternest of tones. If I was sick I was told to stop whining. Even during labor she asked me if the pain was truly that bad, after birthing two children of her own. My mother herself has described her love as "tough love". This "tough love" has put a strain on our relationship (we currently aren't speaking and haven't spoken to each other for over a year), and this strain has been there for the 32 years that I have been on this Earth. What I'm now realizing though is that the relationship that I had with her has affected not only my relationships with other people, but my ability to properly express my feelings. Even looking back over the last relationship that I was in, I wasn't allowed to even have feelings as he didn't know how to deal with them and feelings made him uncomfortable (his words).

I am a fairly emotional person. While I don't necessarily express how I'm feeling, I am very in tune with what it is I am feeling. I can differentiate between hurt and anger, happiness and joy, etc. I can attribute my feelings to people, places, events, etc. But, I don't necessarily know how to properly express what I'm feeling at the moment all the time; therefore, most of the time I just cry. However, on this journey of growth and in finally becoming comfortable with who I am, I have found that I am becoming more comfortable with my feelings and allowing myself to address them. I have began to face my fears and speak out on them more, especially the fear of not only having feelings but expressing how I feel. I am starting to surround myself with people who encourage me do so as well, as I am no longer stifling who I am for anyone else. I am thankful beyond words (as I'm still working on developing words for certain feelings) for the people who are in my life now. Boo is beyond amazing and a key piece of a lot of the growth that I'm experiencing right now, and my very small circle of friends are all supportive of me and my growth.

But back to my original thought, what if everyone was allowed to express their feelings in a healthy manner? What if men were allowed to cry when they are hurt instead of being asked to "act like a man" and repress their feelings? (Furthermore what the hell does act like a man even mean?) What if women weren't considered crazy for being more expressive of their feelings, or their ability to change them very rapidly? What if going to counseling to deal with things such as depression and anxiety wasn't such a taboo in the African American community? What if the judgment around feelings were removed all together? I wonder what type of positive impact would that have on society as a whole.