I Need to Lighten Up

"Bag lady, you gon hurt your back....carryin all them bags like that" ~ Ms. Badu

When the title of this blog came to me I wasn't even thinking about its double meaning. I had just woken up refreshed and in a good mood after having a bad day the day before. I woke up with epiphanies coming at me left and right. I journaled about some, sent emails about others. But the idea that I need to return to my nonchalant, light mood self was to be the topic of my blog today, but as I was taking a shower to get dressed for work I realized that the title could spawn a second and yet related topic. The need to let go of excess baggage.

Over the Christmas break I went home to Atlanta, and I was anxious to get my hair cut by my stylist there. I had been to several stylist in the Virginia area, but none could get my hair to look like it did when I lived in Atlanta. So, one of the first things I did was go and get a haircut. When I sat down in her chair the first thing she said to me is "What are you stressing about?", to which I replied "nothing". She then proceeded to turn the chair around so that I was looking her in her face and said to me "You are stressed! Your hair is in shock! Whatever it is...LET.IT.GO!" Its like she looked into my scalp like a crystal ball and could see the past 3 years of worry, stress, and anger. And that's exactly what the last 3 years have been for me. I had been in a constant state of distress for 2.5 years. Yet even after I let go of what have caused the stress, I have become this uptight and defensive person looking for the next thing that's going to go wrong or hurt me. I have lost touch with my lighter side. I had let go of the majority of my stressors and the negative influences on my life, but I had not let go of the defenses that I had built because of them.

So, I woke up this morning knowing that I had to get back in touch with that person. I need to let down my defenses because at this point I don't need them, and I need to start enjoying life. I need to get back to joking and having fun. I want to be able to enjoy my relationship and not live in fear of the next argument or the break-up. I want to be able to take a joke and not feel as if it something serious that I should be worried about. I want to not only be happy, but I want to have joy!  I want to be playful, to live, laugh, and to love.

But, in order to do so I have to get rid of the baggage from my past hurts and my past stress. The load is too heavy, and it wasn't meant for me to carry. Those aren't my problems anymore. That isn't my drama anymore. I.AM.FREE! So, I need to stop carrying it around with me and looking for ways to add to it. In addition, I need to dump some more of the negative energy that is in my life. I have come to realize that although I may be a source of positive energy for people who I am a friend to, they may not be a positive source of energy to me. In fact, they are giving me negative energy in exchange for my positive energy, and this has to stop. I need to be around people who I  exchange positive energy with. I have several of those people in my life now, but it doesn't help if there's that one negative person draining all of the positive energy that I'm receiving. That baggage too, has to go!

Yesterday I said that I was tired, and my boo's response to that was "well then you need to change", and I intend to do just that. I started making changes in my life during the second half of 2014, and I will probably spend the majority of 2015 continuing to make those changes that are needed to be a better me mentally, spiritually, and physically. I'm excited about the change that has happened, and I'm excited about the change that is yet to come. I'm excited about this year. I'm ready to lighten up and enjoy it.