A Shaken Vanilla Coke

Everyone knows what happens when you shake up a pop before you open it...it explodes. Well I feel like a shaken up vanilla coke. I have so many emotions running through my being that if someone opens me up I'll explode. I broke out in a rant yesterday about giving a damn. I'm at the point where I'm tired of caring, but I can't stop. I was born to care. I was born to love. Its funny because when I was younger I was a cold heartless bitch. Ask any dude who tried to talk to me. They got shut down every single time. I was surprised that I actually had a boyfriend back then. I was even more surprised that I put up with him for like 12 years.

But I've changed so much since then. I personally think I'm one of the most caring people that I know. Ask anyone who I consider a true friend...I will do anything for someone I care about. I will give them my last. But every now and then it gets taxing. I get to the point where I just want to say fuck it all...and stop caring but I can't.

So back to why I'm all shook up. I hide my feelings sometimes. All of the bad things that I feel. Things that I should say, but I don't because I know that I can come of very harsh at times...I keep them to myself. I keep them deep inside until I can't keep them any more. Until the pressure is too much, and then I explode. Yeah I know this isn't healthy, but I would rather do this in an attempt to maintain the friendships that I do have.

Well I've come to that point again. I have so many things that I want to say to someone but I can't...no I WON'T because I really, really value our friendship, and I don't want to fuck things up. And, the process of keeping my feelings to myself combined with the emotions of being a woman on her cycle has me ready to explode...I just pray that nobody takes the cap off of the soda before I can get this all in control.