What is a Single Father?

Sadly we live in a society where being a just a "baby daddy" is glorified. Maury and Jerry Springer have made a killing off of paternity test shows. Judge shows such as Divorce Court have highlighted the "ain't shit" fathers and husbands. Even our real judicial system makes it hard for unwed fathers to have access to their children. In most states, even if a man signs the birth certificate, he has to petition the court for some type of custody of his child. This is separate from going to court for child support, and is often way more costly and time consuming. While the court automatically assumes that the mother of a child is fit to raise her child, and is automatically given the title of custodial parent at birth, the father has to go before the judge and prove that he deserves the right to be placed in that child's life. What does this say to fathers who really want to do what is right by their children but don't necessarily want to be in a relationship with that child's mother?

After all that I have been through in the last year I have a new appreciation for fathers. I have always been a daddy's girl, but I think until now I took for granted what it really meant to have a father in my life. In this new found appreciation I have also found a soft spot in my heart for those men who are what I like to call single fathers. I think this started with my ex, who after being "trapped" by a girl who poked a hole in the condom to get pregnant, has not missed a day of his daughter's life despite the feelings that he had/has towards his daughter's mother. The level of sacrifice that he made (including our relationship at the time) is truly commendable. He rearranged his entire life the moment he found out he was having a child, and the day she was born his life became all about her. One of my closest friends also went through a similar situation. When he found out he was about to be a father he got his shit together, and actually went and joined the Army as a way to ensure that he would have the resources, finances, and discipline he needed in his life to be a great father. Even after he got married, he was paying all the bills for two households to ensure that his daughter would always have a roof over her head, food on the table, and all of the necessities in her life...on top of putting himself on child support. When he is home on leave (he is currently deployed in Afghanistan), most of his free time is spent with his "Pumpkin", and even when he is overseas he makes sure to call and talk to her every chance that he gets. I laugh and joke with him because he took the time to learn how to do her hair and can do a mean french braid. Seeing my ex and my best friend exemplify what it means to be a father in spite of the circumstances that their daughters were created in, and despite what they have going on in their lives today shows me what a real single father is. They make the ever so difficult task of being a single mother a whole lot easier. While they are not physically there in the homes of their children, their presence and their parenting is not missed. To me these men are the definition of what it means to be a single father.